Friday, May 2, 2008

Sweet revenge

This past week I was flipping through an old creative writing book and I came across an interesting exercise.

Write a story based on this mixed proverb: Revenge is bliss.

We've all seen the pictures that have been circulated and recirculated via email where one person has made another so angry that they have resorted to spray painting nasty comments on their house or car, or hired a plane to tow a banner defaming the person that made them angry, or hurt their feelings, or whatever. We've all heard the stories about women so scorned that they've used superglue in an unnatural manner. I'm sure we've all had situations in our lives that have made us want to behave badly, I know I have.

I'm not a very good bad-ass, though. Whenever one of those situations has come up in my own life, I always say, "Oh, I oughtta...(do whatever)" and I'm pretty good at coming up with ideas of things that I oughtta do. But when it comes right down to it, I am just a big wuss. I don't have the kahonas to actually do it, but I do get some degree of satisfaction just thinking about exacting a little payback. There are a couple of very lucky people in this world because of that, I'm here to tell ya.

Here's where it gets good:

Since my next post will be my 100th and May is my birth month we're gonna turn this creative writing exercise into a contest. The winner's name will be drawn out of a hat, here's what you gotta do to get your name in that hat:

You'll get one entry for leaving a comment telling me about a situation in your life that made you say, "Oh, I oughtta..." and you'll get another entry for finishing that sentence...telling me what you thought you oughtta do. You'll get a third entry if you actually did it.

The winner will get this pinkish-brownish-purplish-coppery goodness:

Also known as two skeins of Rowan Tapestry:

Which is not only good-looking, but fun to fondle too. I found all sorts of beautiful projects on Ravelry using this yarn. Oh, I oughtta...get some of it for myself.

In your comment you've got to make sure I know how to get in touch with you in case you're the winner, an email address or your Ravelry ID or something, K?

Now, no post would be complete without a list of thankfuls:

1. I am thankful that I am such a big wuss, otherwise "Oh, I oughtta..." might have led to "we, the jury, find the defendant..." at one point or another in my life.

2. I am thankful for having a husband that doesn't provoke such anger AND he has the ability to calm me down when I do have one of those "Oh, I oughtta..." moments.

3. I am thankful for The Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel.


tracyb said...

I, like you, am a big wuss. But I posted about my "I oughta . ." moment on my blog. It was when someone (I think I know who, but am not sure) sent me an anonymous note, through the mail, saying that my son was a brat and my house looked like pigs lived in it. I guess I did do an "I oughta. . " because I started collecting pigs and putting them all over my yard! It was my way of thumbing my nose at the perpetrator! You can catch me at the "Rav" if you need to!

Marianne said...

hmmm... I'm one of those 'kill'em with kindness' when wanting to be really mean... I know, strange but true.
so...I've been on my SIL's shit list since last Oct, because I didn't tell her something that happened at the time, which my husband asked me not to tell her (yes, crazy) so instead of getting mad at him she gets pissed at me... she pointedly ignored my birthday this past Jan. which was alright with me but knowing how she feels about birthdays blah blah blah, her intention was not kind at all. so what did I do? I found this beautiful stained glass panel that hangs in a window space, just her colours and I knew she'd love it, we gave it to her last Monday (her bd) and yes, she loves it, totally.
so see? do you 'get it'? and no, I didn't do it to get off her shit list... I enjoy the peace and quiet of life sans drama and sandy vagina attitude. thank you...

ok, that was waaaaay too much information.... sorry.

Kristina B said...


Great idea - and your generosity is overwhelming!

As you might imagine I have these moments just about every day. Sometimes I actually do something about it.

Here's one which recurs frequently.

SITUATION: I'm taking a cab home and the cabbie starts taking calls (sometimes several) on his (and I have not once had a female cabbie in this city!) cell phone. Now, I have a beef with people who talk and drive as it is... and since I'm paying out good money to get home safely, I really resent it when the cabbie spends all his time answering phone calls.

Consequently, when this happens, I always say "I'd really prefer that you not take phone calls until you drop me off." Sometimes they pay attention, sometimes they ignore me.

THE "OUGHTA": I think "I just oughtta refuse to pay this guy when I get to my destination." (by the way, there is a policy posted by law in all legal Toronto cabs which aids in this cause. It's called a "Passenger Bill of Rights", LOL. It says, among other things, that a passenger is entitled to a silent ride if they so choose.

WHAT I HAVE DONE: on several occasions now, when I've been ignored and we finally get to my place, I tell the guy I'm not paying and explain why. Then I just get out of the cab (usually to much abuse. JJ is a witness to one time I did this and the guy actually followed us up the sidewalk to our place, threatening to sue. JJ then said "She's a lawyer, go right ahead".

So - do I get three points?! :-)

(I hope this doesn't sound like some obnoxious lawyer story. It's more that I know I can't drive when talking and I want to feel safe when I'm being driven.)




Kristina B said...

PS LOL re your first "thankful". I must confess that I could haul off and hit some of these cabbies sometimes.

Hobbygåsa said...

Oh well, I wish that was my problem too. I am the total opposite and many a time I have thought "Can I be so lucky that this is a dream, or did I really say that out loud ?"
Like when I told a customer at the phone to stop chewing on the bubblegum because it was discusting to listen too. Her boss called my boss with a complain, and my boss was laughing for days - he knows me too well lol:. If I ever meet you in real life I will tell you more, but I can asure you, I never meen any harm, it just slips out of my mouth before I can stop it...

Turtle said...

I tend to fume inside and then kill them with kindness, i know i am being sarcastic but they do not, and this does not happen often as i do have the ability to get along with almost everyone!

I oughta: My daughter was about one and a half years old and had been up all evening crying, very unlike her. Because we lived so far from the base (almost an hour) we never were able to get in for same day appointments, so a midnight trip to the base er was in order. At the hospital they diagnosed her with a sinus and ear infection. As dear daughter and i are finishing with the dr (a civilian dr hired by the navy dressed in birkies and scrubs) told me that she personally would not be making as much monsy by my hvaing brought her into the er vs a day appt and that it was people like me who were wasting tax payers money because it was not life and death.

I oughta: Well honestly i was shocked and did not know what to say and just left. Of course i had an hours drive to replay and stew over the event. Our roommate was just heading to work and met me outside carrying daughter into the house and asking how she was, he also had witnessed her off crying that evening. I told him what had happened. He went into work and informed hubby of the event. Apparently the boats doc was standingnearby and heard as well. He knew us and knew I was not the type to over react in a situation and taking daughter to the er at midnight was needed. He called me asking questions and later in the afternoon called again to inform me that dr was no longer, nor would ever work there again. See, he was on the hospital board and was highly respected( a fact i was not aware of). So my I oughta was i should have stood up to the doctor at the time , but eventually karma did catch up.

sorry so long!

Kristen said...

I have a co-worker who I caught gossiping/making fun of me and my clothes behind my back. I politely emailed her and asked that if she had a problem with my work she comes to me directly but otherwise to not discuss me with others.
But what I "oughta" have done was bring up the fact that she's a homewrecking whore and said I'd much rather have "ugly" shoes than have everyone know about how she slept with a guy at work and how he divorced his disabled wife to be with her.

Kathy said...

DOnt you just love Sig? Go the northwestern.

Oh i oughtta.....entry:
I never say it outloud, but when people are rude to me, I whisper: see ya at your heartattack....
my nurse mantra for jeez, relax will ya?

im at

Heatherly said...

so before my fabulous hubby, when i was 17, i had a pretty serious long distance thing going on with this guy, phone calls at 3 am, 3 letters from him a week. when his family found out, he said it was all in my head, not true, etc... and that i misunderstood his attentions, b/c he had a steady girlfriend in town.

so i was made to look like a liar.

it got me really PO'd so i said "i oughta copy all his letters, and send them to the girlfriend, his parents etc..."

so i did.


she still married him and i wonder how many times he cheated on her.

allergicmom said...

I had a local chain bakery employee assure me, and look up and read the ingredients to herself, that there was no dairy or nuts in their baking, so I bought it and fed it to my allergic kid. (Thank goodness he didn't eat the part that he's allergic to -- he just scooped out the fruit filling.)

Anyways, a little later I got paranoid and started looking through their website which listed their ingredients. I saw that the allergens were listed (whey powder is a dairy ingredient), so I threw out the pastries.

Then I blogged about it, and named names, and forwarded the posting to the bakery's contact email.

They promised to re-train their employees and sent me a cash card to use at their store.

I haven't been back there, but gave the card to my mom to use up.

(Also, my ravelry ID is "wenat".)

Kitten With a Whiplash said...

This "I oughta" is not really mine, I just helped a little. "Joe" and I were walking along when he suddenly took off running. I had no idea why. By the time I start running, he's thirty feet ahead, at the corner, where a car has pulled all the way into the crosswalk to wait out the red light. Joe jumps onto the hood, literally dances across, then off and down the street. I pull up short just at the corner, sedately walk to right in front of the car. By this time people are honking and cheering for my buddy, but the lamo driver leans out his window and asks "Did you see that? Did he dent my car?" Instead of the sympathetic answer he's expecting, I lit into the jerk about pedestrian safety, and he winds up missing his green light. Then I made him back up out of the crosswalk to wait through the next red. "I oughta" have been the dude that ran on the car though, cuz Joe weighed about 135, I weighed about 225. Not trying to enter on Joe's chutzpah, but since he passed I tell this story as a tribute whenver the I oughta subject comes up.

My own moment. I got home and there was a voicemail waiting. A long, rude, ranting message about an unpaid bill of about $35, from a company I'd never heard of, for a guy I'd never heard of. I called the company and said they'd left their message at the wrong number, and should listen to the name on the answering machine before leaving any personal information. The idiot dame who left the message called me a liar and said I wouldn't get out of paying by pretending to be someone else. I thought "I oughta teach this dame a lesson." I asked "What number did you call and leave the message at?" She was stupid enough to give me the guy's real number, when I've already told her she misdialed and I'm not this guy. I called him and played the tape. He called the company and had them conference me in. Under threat of a libel and defamation of character suit, at which I would gladly testify, they dropped their action against him, and the dame was forced to give both of us a very humble apology. Dame is code, btw

If you ever have a contest for "Ignorance is best served cold", I'm your man. Sorry for the length. Came her from WiKnits contest blog.

twins2005 said...

Now that I have celebrated my 20 year wedding anniversary, I can tell you this story. I was dating this guy (my future husband) and one weekend night he went to a bar, I was not old enough to go with him. Anyhoo, I was out to the store to get something with my friend and we happened to see his car at this bar. So, being the nosey person I am, we walked over to the bar and looked in the window, and there he was dancing with this very pretty girl. Of course I was not happy and said a few choice words and walked away. My friend got this big idea that we should do something to his car, like write PIG on the windsheild with lipstick or some crazy thing.
I was so mad at him that I decided to let the air out of his tire. After we crouched down by the car and stuck a key in the tire valve, it was so easy to do it......we let the air out of the rest of the three tires.
The next day he called me to say someone did this to his car, he called the state police and they took fingerprints from the car, etc. I was so nervous that we would get arrested, I confessed! He started laughing, he knew who it was and never called anyone, but it made me think before I acted again!
That is one time I'll never forget!
Happy Birthday and Happy 100th post!

Krystal said...

Hey, happy 100th post! Thanks for telling me about this contest. :)

So last quarter I had this teacher who was a total bitch about everything to do with the class. It was weird because outside of class she was so nice. It was just this required class that everyone has to take and it's learning strategies, so basically she's supposed to be teaching us how to learn, and how to use the tools at the school. Anyway she graded my final really bad, she was way more strict than she should have been, and I got a B in the class (which REALLY bugs me, because I'm one of those people that HAS to have an A... I'm getting A's in harder classes, seriously...).

So my I oughta is this... I oughta write her a bad evaluation and send a note to the president of the school... and I did. :)

HeyCarrieAnn said...

ooooo... i have two!
1. I chose knitting as my medium for my Junior thesis in art. At the show where my work was displayed, my "friend" (we'll call her R) and her boyfriend came up to my work and started looking at it. I began explaining the thought process behind the pieces. Her boyfriend asked if I could make R a copy of the patterns. "Why would I want patterns with so many mistakes in them?"
Ok, honey, this is MY show. I oughta kick you out if you're going to be so rude!!! (I wish I would've had the guts to say that!)

2)One night my friends and I were walking to get dinner and we passed a group of drunk guys standing outside our dorm. One of these guys started throwing snowballs at my friend while calling out sexually explicit comments and fat jokes at her. I went up to him and asked him to apologize to my friend. "Why should I apologize?" he said. "Why I oughta smack some sense into you," I thought. When he began to make rude comments directed at me, I gave him a good slap across the face. That felt good.

Christy said...

Congrats on your 100th post and birthday!

I'm horrible. I really am and I'll be paying for this the rest of my life.

I hate cheaters and bullies. I mean really hate 'em. When I was five years old, I was in the Daisy Scouts. At one of our weekly meetings, we were playing musical chairs. I feel I should mention here that I'm extremely competative. Anyway, the final three were me, Stacy C, and another girl whose name escapes me now.

The leader's back was turned when Stacy pushed the other girl out of the chair. What a horrid cheater, I thought. Someone oughtta teach that girl a lesson in sportsmanship. When she did the same to me a few moments later, I had had it.

We went to the restroom (it was a school) and when Stacy started bragging that she won the game, I lost it. I shoved her fingers in the door and shut it with her fingers stuck.

While she never cheated again, I think I've been paying a karmic price. I have a Collie who is an idiot and all my cars get hit one month after I get them.

Christy said...

Oh yes, I'm hissyknit on ravelry and I also got thrown out of the Daisy Scouts for being violent. But I'm much better now!!

Holly Bee said...

I oughtta...not be such a big loud mouth...but you know I can't help it!

I was at work at the lab, and the front desk called back and asked me a high tech CSI type question. I didn't know the answer right off, so I put her on hold and looked up the proper information.

When I got back on the phone, the front desk chick was saying to the patient "we have a new lab girl, she takes forever."

I said to myself "I oughtta not be awful, but really I said" Was that about me? Because that was rude."

Front desk girl apologized to me and now, well, she only talks about me when I can't hear her.

Katie O said...

There was a girl that I cheered with back in high school that was very cruel to me and to my friends. constantly played tricks on us and humiliated us... like high school isn't bad enough without people being jerks... So i didn't particularly like her.

What i thought: I thought we should mess with her in the year book(I was on the yearbook committee)

What I did: I did mess with her. I switched the first letters of her name... So if her name was Kelly Bleckler in real life... i made it to read: Belly Kleckler!!! lol... it was awesome!! and all of us played dumb when asked about it(got my friends to help cover for me)... oh yea, no trouble for me and she is forever known by the backwards name... oh heck yea!!! lol

sipusa said...

Oh....why is there so much beautiful yarn in this world, I want it all........and I can't....but I'm doing my very best;-D